so... here it is, the 10 day after this fiasco and not a single person in my family has spoken to me.  not a single one.  i went from having all of my family to having absolutely none of my family in a matter of minutes.  i will not lie and say it doesn't matter much to me because it has weighed quite heavy on my heart for the last few days.  and yet, to be cut off would in a way be very liberating.  sad, but liberating.

i was probably closest with my sister so her betrayal has been felt the deepest and is the most hurtful to me.  so my subject today is my sister.

one of the first things i loved about facebook when i first joined was how easy it was to chat with my sister on a daily basis.  before social media became what it is now, we didn't keep in touch very well.  an email once in a while, phone call even less.  she was busy, i suck at using the phone and email for these means... bad combo.  anyway, once i joined facebook, we found each other online at the same time pretty much every day and we'd chat.   a lot of the time i ranted about crap going on in my life;  sometimes she would rant about the crap going on in hers... and more times than not it involved my brother or my dad and aunt.  i sympathized with her.  but she constantly had issues with my brother.

here's the thing about that, though:  i've had the same issues with my brother for years, since we were teenagers and we were living in the same house.  and every time we had it out, everyone took his side and accused me of being the source and cause of all the misery in the world.  no one saw things the way i did, and no one ever took my side.  it was a harsh spanse of time for me, and it drove me clear across the globe. i spent much of the 90's living in Japan.  and if i was to be honest with myself, it was more than a missions adventure.  it was the chance to get away from my family.

fast forward 20+ years and no much changed, only my brother was pissing off the rest of my family and i didn't dare be smug and say, "yeah, i tried to tell you this, but you didn't believe me."   so i let my sister rant about my brother, about my aunt, about my dad and my aunt, about everything.  somehow, i thought this meant that we were on the same side.

but clearly it doesn't.  when the crap hit the fan, i sent her a quit text to let her know, to let her brace herself.  she didn't answer it back.  that didn't really bother me at the time because i could explain it as she was in church, or driving or doing something where she didn't get it right away.  i kept waiting for her to call or email or anything to tell me i was being stupid, that i needed to get over myself... again, ANYTHING to show that she was willing to give me a fair hearing.

and i guess that is what hurts;  despite all her bitching and ranting and whining about certain people, she didn't even TRY to hear my side of the story.  she decided without even talking to me that i was wrong and that i needed to be punished with the silent treatment.  seriously, the way i have been shut out, i imagine that my father sat everyone down and decided this was the "best way to handle her".  fine.  i'm game.

for those who are not reading this and thinking, "damn, girl, it has only been 10 days... my sister hasn't spoken to me in 30 years", i just want to say that this is the first 10 days of 30 years.  i'm making a prediction.

i'm trying to figure out what to do about facebook and social media.  i do not want to initiate the unfriending fury.  but i don't really want the connection anymore.  trying hard to decide what to do...

anyway.  it is late and i am sick and need to go to bed so i can be human tomorrow.